I promise to be strong so nothing
can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, & prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel
that there is something great in them
To look at the positives of everything & make my optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best, & to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature I meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of myself
that I won’t have time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on my side so long as I am true to the best that is in me.
Adults can experience numerous problems regarding their intimacy and attachment as a result of various infancy attachment levels.
Early life disruptions to our process of attachment with parents will have major consequences for how we as adults will then deal with attachment as adults. People will have trouble developing healthy relationships, and the ability to cope with stress. For starters, experiences of attuned interaction form a bonding and understanding that allows a baby to become increasingly effective at signaling, engaging, and responding to a parent. These experiences shape and enhance the social engagement system of a child. The baby is totally dependent on the mother for all its resources, nourishment, needs and safety at this stage in its life, and relies on this social engagement system to communicate its needs. However, if the child experiences some form of one-off trauma, or abandonment, repeated failure or neglect or abuse at this early stage, the interpersonal trauma is not only a threat to physical and psychological health and formation in the child, but also a failure of the social engagement system of his future. If there are problems, neglect or ignorance on the part of the parent in understanding their role in supporting their child at this critical age, this failure of the attachment relationship will undermine the child’s ability to recover and reorganize, to feel soothed or even feel safe again with the parent or other anyone for that matter. This is why many times children placed into day care before the age of 3 years showed symptoms of trauma from the loss of parental contact. A parent who is emotionally unavailable, absent, drunk, drugged, angry, depressed, sick, or who is self-absorbed for any number of reasons, will not only fail to repair the trust, but will probably deepen the trauma and the breach of trust.
Once that infant grows up, within their adult relationships there is a probable chance that that adult is often in a “pendulum swing” with their partner where they alternatively come just so far towards the other person, get over whelmed, and withdraw away from their partner who may chase after them but then again, might not. Their personality may be driven by a phobia of closeness, such that it feels too threatening to get too close to the other. Alternatively it may be simply due to an inability to connect with others as they are shutdown inside emotionally, and so are unable to feel very much on an emotional level. And this is all due to the attachment issues they experienced during their childhood. The adult can escalate quickly into frustration and anger as they cannot easily regulate their emotional arousal. They may express hostility in peer relationships due to a lack of social engagement skills in being able to resolve conflict. This is often a problem in their intimate relationships where emotional arousal is more likely to be triggered. When they avoid contact it will unconsciously exclude the possibility of intimacy. Intimacy can only begin to happen if both people are present as their true selves, and remain in contact. Contact is the exchanging of feelings and thoughts in an ongoing flow - honestly and without trying to control the outcome. This is difficult, scary, and exciting even when one has a functioning social engagement system from the attachment phase of childhood. When this system is compromised it becomes less possible without proper therapy to overcome such constraints and impairments to enter and sustain emotionally intimate adult relationships.
By doing we grow, By Growing, we become who we are
(Community Foundation of the Fox River Valley Scholars Essay).
In my short 18 years of life I have gained a vast amount of knowledge of the person I am, and the person who I am becoming. However, I could not have made these discoveries without my experiences serving as my teacher which taught me that it is not what we receive, but who we become and what we contribute…that gives meaning to our lives. From my extracurricular activities I learned that having an open mind can create a whole new world. When I got asked to be a Stat Girl for my high school’s wresting team, not only was I honored, but a large part of me was nervous. I was absolutely ignorant on the sport, and I thought to myself “what if this is boring? What if I mess up? What if they guys don’t like me?” There was a long list of “what if’s” running through my mind. To my surprise, by the end of wrestling season, I was close to an expert on the sport; I made great friends and never messed up like I was worried I would. I liked it so much that I ended up participating in it for two years. Maintaining an open mind not only did I learn so much, but I found enjoyment in something completely new that I would not have experienced if I would have let the “what if’s” stand in my way.
Playing volleyball taught me discipline, dedication, and to not just be a teammate but a person who can be dependable. I learned that preparing for a game and improvement requires sacrifice. I learned the importance of commitment when I denied my friends requests to go to a movie or party the night of a practice. I learned that giving up is never beneficial. If one wants something bad enough, there is always a way of reaching that objective. Above all, volleyball taught me humbleness and to accept that I am flawed. It made me identify my weaknesses and pushed me to do something until they weren’t weaknesses anymore.
Volunteering for the Academy Bullets Swim Club taught me that being supportive is one of the most valuable attributes someone can have. There comes a time where there is nothing you can offer a person but your support, and more often than not, support is really all a person needs. My brother has been swimming for the Bullets for three years now, and when he has a meet and it does not go so well, it makes him feel good that I’m there supporting him regardless of outcomes. It makes the people you care about feel good when you show an interest in what they do.
Through my experiences with music I learned that I have a passion to learn. When it came to my knowledge that I had the opportunity to learn how to play an instrument it grabbed my attention right away. I wanted to learn, to do, to experience. I started playing the clarinet in 5th grade and have been playing for eight years now. I played the piano for two years. And I am struggling yet learning to play the guitar at the moment. Being in band has taught me how beautiful and perfect music is. I learned how to transpose, compose, read and interpret music. Music taught me that learning is so incredibly valuable. It taught me to be grateful because not many people have the opportunity to learn to play music, and for me, it is something that has changed my life.
My experiences while babysitting my siblings has taught me responsibility, independence and selflessness. When you are responsible for others and not just yourself, it forces you to learn responsibility. I should not say force; because in a way, it is a gift learn responsibility. I learned that I was very independent by the age of 12 because never did my parents have to ask me or remind me to do my homework. I did things for me, because I wanted to learn to do things on my own. I still do, there are times where I will struggle and struggle yet refuse to seek help because I want to figure things out myself. And maybe to an extent, that is a flaw. Being the oldest out of all my siblings has taught me to be selfless, to realize that there are others beside myself, things do not revolve around me nor should I expect them to.
All my volunteer work tutoring and mentoring kids in Big Brothers Big Sisters, Participating in Invisible Children, and cleaning at St. Rita of Casia Church has taught me that giving is so much better than receiving. Giving your time is more valuable than giving any amount of money. That giving without expecting anything is return is a beautiful act.
My decision to pursue a career in medicine is one that I believe I will find challenging, rewarding and meaningful. Being a person who enjoys learning, I have 8+ years of learning ahead of me, rewarding in the fact that I will be able to help others, and challenging in the way that it will not be an easy goal to accomplish. My goal is that upon completion of a four year college I will minor in Spanish, major in Forensic Science and or Human Sciences, then enroll into medical school and be successful in medical school where then I can become either a orthopedic surgeon or plastic surgeon. I think my ambitious nature will help me to accomplish this. My experiences and lessons I’ve gained through my experiences will serve as tools for the challenges I have yet to conquer. I believe I have so much to offer the world and I think the way of doing so is by pursuing my goals and making them a reality. Once I do, not only will i be contributing to society in a positive way but I will also know that I am successful. For success is not something that is pursued, it is attracted by the person you become. Success comes from knowing that you did the best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.